Before we begin on this very touchy subject, let me preface anything you read here by saying this. I am basing my findings on experience and speculation, when which combined do not make a good product. This opinion piece/editorial does not represent the views of talkingaboutgames or any of its representatives. This is my attempt to make sense of some truly well written alien races. Don’t blame me, blame Bioware for making me think this way. Also you can blame society for teaching me these stereotypes. Some of it’s humorous, some of it is not. We must all be able to laugh at ourselves and I mean no disrespect (meaning someone is probably going to be disrespected) So if your ready we will start with the Asari.
Asari – They are considered to be the most powerful and respected species in the known galaxy. They are a mono-gender race known for their elegance and are a romantic breed. Their home planet of Thessia is home to the largest economy in the Milky Way.
Given those facts I peg the Asari as Italians. First Italy is home to one of the richest religions in the world the Roman Catholics, like the Asari – Italians are very connected to faith and seem to be the most respected people on Earth – Godfather anyone?
Drell – The omnivorous, reptilian Drell possess an average life span of 85 standard galactic years. They lost their home world and most of the Drell population (11 billion) to an environmental extermination. They have been taken in by the Hanar and the remaining 375,000 Drell are all subject to a fatal bacterial lung disease.
Puerto Ricans and Drell have a lot in common, they both die young and Puerto Ricans hate Dominicans as much as the Drell hate the Vorcha.
Elcor – This massive species stands on four muscular legs. They are deliberate and conservative
Samoan like the Elcor are huge! Samoan people are also very helpful and can battle when necessary.
Reapers – Are a highly advanced machine race of synthetic-organic starships. They reside in Dark Space and lay dormant for fifty years at a time, before they are given the signal to return and destroy all organic life.
White People, what can I say since the 1970′s you guys have been making great progress as a race, before then…slavery, racism, elitism just being overall dicks hellbent on owning and or destroying anything in their path. Sound familiar?
Hanar – The Hanar are a species resembling Earth’s jellyfish and are one of the few non-bipedal races. Hanar are known for their intense politeness when speaking, and their strong religious beliefs regarding the Enkindlers.
French – No spine.
Humans – From the planet Earth, they are the newest sentient species of notable size to enter the galactic stage and are the most rapidly expanding and developing species.
Mexicans – The chosen people, it’s no wonder Shepard is known as “Loco”. All Aliens see the humans the way society see’s Mexicans as a problem.Why?, because they are expanding faster than other races.
Keepers – A bio-engineered, insectoid race only found on the citadel. They are docile and exist for no other reason than to maintain the Citadel.
Eskimos – No one messes with Eskimos and no one messes with The Keepers. They exist only in Alaska….I think.
Salarians – Warm-blooded amphibians native to Sur’Kesh. Salarians possess a hyperactive metabolism; they think fast, talk fast, and move fast. Great inventors and thinkers.
Chinese – Seems like everything is made in China, well in space everything is pretty much made by Salarians. Both are some smart mother effers.
Turians – Known for their militaristic and disciplined culture they are seen as rigid and imperialist by other species.
Japanese – The way they operate just screams feudal Japan. Loyalty, Honor, Death before disgrace. The Japanese people and Turians are one in the same.
Volus -Because they are not physically adept compared to most species, Volus mostly make their influence felt through trade and commerce.
Jewish people are business savvy, it seems that every successfully business in the Citadel is run by the Volus. They are cheap bastards also. I think I got 3 space bucks from a Volus for going to the Far Rim for a statue of a Asari god. When’s the last time a Jewish dude gave anyone 3 dollars?
Batarians – A race of four-eyed bipeds, they are a disreputable species that chose to isolate themselves from other species.
Al-Queda, ya I know not all Muslims are terrorist, fact is 99% of them are downright law-abiding citizens, but just like the Baatarians it only takes a few to give all of them a bad name.
Geth – A race of networked artificial intelligences that reside beyond the Perseus Veil. When the Geth became sentient they began to question their masters.
Simply put the Geth is Apple, they started out good (Jobs in), were then controlled by the Reapers (Jobs out Scully in) then went back to being good (Jobs in). iCloud anyone?
Protheans – They are an extinct race, enslaved by the Reapers.
Africans were once enslaved by white people as the Protheans by the Reapers….hmmmm
Krogan – They are a species of large reptilian bipeds native to the planet Turchanka.
The Russians became too powerful, only way to stop them was to allow them to destroy themselves from within along with ending the Cold War and allowing the U.S.S.R. to collapse. Krogans also fell to the same kind of fate with the genophage.
Quarians – A nomadic species of humanoid aliens known for their skills with technology and synthetic intelligence.
Indian like India not Native Americans, Indian people wear funky clothes and are very nomadic. The Quarians would do a great job running 7-11 or offering you tech-support for your Dell computer. (PICNIC)
Vorcha – They have a unique biology and an aggressive behavior, the Vorcha are a primitive race that live among the galaxy’s most dangerous locations, such as Omega. Their presence is generally seen as a blight.
Dominicans are hated by Puerto Ricans no one wants Dominicans around. No one wants Vorcha around.
There you have it. My take on the Mass Effect alien races as compared to actual human people-types.
What do you think? Accurate, total B.S. or just downright racist and tasteless.
I feel it’s a combination of speculation and experience….but I could be wrong.