There are many types of gamers, Like variables, gamer types are not set. Some gamers can fit into multiple types. What I have learned is that no gamer is constant. Here are some examples of the gamer types I have encountered over the years. This opinion piece is meant to shine the spotlight on our disturbing trend to classify ourselves. Find out what type you are after the jump.
Fat Gamer – Plays video games because he would rather stay home than go outside. Won’t play on Kinect, or Playstation Move. Just give this guy some Doritos a Mountain Dew and a couch.
Unemployed Gamer – Plays video games to distract him from the depression of not working. Usually plays video games until he finds work*. (*see Working Gamer)
Working Gamer – Plays video games to distract him from the monotony of his work. Usually games until he gets fired*. (*see Unemployed Gamer.)
Girl Gamer – A gamer with tits, congratulations! Will probably cheat on you with a Pro Gamer given the chance.
Racist Gamer – see Xbox Live. Halo Reach Slayer/ Team Slayer matches. Will call you everything from the N word to being Mexican. Usually a white person.
Married Gamer – a gamer that plays video games to escape their boring spouse. Didn’t play video games until they got married.
Embarrassed Gamer – Quits a game when they can’t handle the situation. Was never really a gamer. Not to be confused with a Raging Gamer.
Raging Gamer – Quits a game when they are losing, or keep getting beat (owned) by the AI or a human opponent. They will also punch the wall or throws controller at said wall.
MMO Gamer – Just trying to get to that next level while earning valuable XP with his friends. Hates Leroy Jenkins and long played out funerals.
Happily Married Gamer – plays games with their spouse, secretly hates it.
Pro Gamer – Gets paid to play video games very douchy, most of the time. Will have their own line of Gunner Glasses or some kind of branded merchandise proclaiming “Game Like (Name of Pro Gamer).
Angry Gamer – Hates all games continues to play them.
High Gamer – Plays video games while high on marijuana. Also loves Doritos and other tasty snacks.
Drunk Gamer – Like High Gamer only drunk, can be combined with High Gamer to become Drunk-High Gamer.
Xbot Gamer – Xbox 360 fanboy, doesn’t care for any other console. Thinks paying for Xbox Live is necessary because it provides an amazing service. Gets slammed with advertisement and doesn’t care.
PissN Gamer – PS3 fanboy, hates the fact that Xbox Live cost money. Would pay for Xbox Live of they had the money to do so. Wants Playstation Plus but can’t afford it.
Wii-mer – Or wiener or Wii fanboy gamer. Knows their Wii friend code but won’t say it because they are embarrassed that they memorized it.
Amateur Gamer – 99.9% of Gamers.
Criminal Gamer – scares everyone into thinking they are gamers, than robs them and makes a rap about it.
Indecent Gamer – gets banned for sending inappropriate pics will eventually become a married gamer.
Slutty Gamer – Will cheat on gamer husband with gamer friend making gamer husband cry like a baby.
Posing Gamer – pretends to play games has no idea what they are doing, usually video game PR or a girl trying to prove to you how cool she is. Will often move their head and controller in the direction they want the avatar to move.
Debugging Gamer – finds ways to break games, gets caught and banned. (Usually)
Cheating Gamer – finds ways to cheat during games, hardly ever gets caught and banned.
Bible Thumping Gamer – Loves Jesus and loves chain sawing locust in half while screaming Sup bitches! Then goes to church.
Kid Gamer – see Xbox Live Halo Reach Slayer matches.
Hard Core Gamer – Has 2-3 consoles, handhelds, proud of achievements or trophys. can discuss to no end why COD 2 on veteran was the hardest COD game to beat when compared to other COD games. Wears gaming t-shirts and stays up until 2AM on a regular basis.
Sports Gamers – Buys Madden every year, plays Madden all year long.
Casual Gamer – Moms, grandmas and little girls
Military Gamer – Plays Modern Warfare multiplayer, doesn’t even know there is a single player campaign. Swears that one day he’s going to join the Army and be a sniper.
Actual Military Gamer – Likes to see what he looks like from a different point-of-view.
PR Gamer – Plays game they are pushing and they thinks it is great, see brainwashed gamer. Includes fact sheet with opinions.
Brainwashed Gamer – Doesn’t see any faults in obviously faulty game.
Podcaster Gamer – Self-Centered gamer that pushes his opinions on video games and thinks he’s doing a service to the video game community.
Female Stripper Gamer – the perfect gamer.
No matter your type or types in some cases one thing is clear. We are all gamers and should enjoy the games we play. Segregating yourself to a specific category is only a good idea if your looking to playing games with like-minded gamers but it can get out of hand as I have demonstrated above. Any other categories I missed?
